Earlier this month I (or more specifically, my flat) recieved a lovely letter from the good people at TV licensing. The letter begins by introducing us as to the reasons of their writing : “Our enforcement division has identified that there is no record of a TV licence at your address”. Fair enough, I thought. They go on to say “You may therefore be watching or recording television programmes without a licence. If this is the case, you are breaking the law”.
Now that annoyed me a considerable amount. We dont have a TV in our flat. We watch dvds through our computers and hook the ps2 up to a projector. We have also, on numerous occasions, phoned the tv licence folks to tell them this. Yet we recieve a letter that opens up, all guns blazing about how we are breaking the law. Nice.
The second paragraph continues in this manner: “Enforcement officers have been authorised by us to visit your address in campus way to interview you under caution in compliance with the police and criminal evidence act 1984” Now what the hell? Firstly: ‘Enforcement officers’? am I the only one picturing the swat team busting in with guns pointed to my chest? And this ‘interview me under caution’? what am i being cautioned for? not owning a TV? who knows. I just love the ending of ‘police and criminal evidence act 1984’ as though theyre having to tell me exactly what im being busted for, yet still having done nothing wrong. Good policies all round.
“if we find that you watch or record television without a licence, your statement will be the first step towards prosecution. Should you be convicted…the magistrate can impose a fine of up to £1000” Great, so they’ve threatened me with what theyre going to do, when i have not done any of the things theyre on about.
The next line cracks me up though: “Officers from our enforcement division catch 80,485 people every year” Here we go with the guns and swat team again. Well done for catching 80,585 people, TV licencing. Did they, like me, not own a TV?
“to avoid a potential court appearance, you are strongly advised to call…now to buy a licence” A much better line would have been:
“to avoid a potential court appearance, you are strongly advised to continue doing everything you are doing now you good little boy”
Half of me wants to laugh at their aggressive attitude to the situation. But most of me is just angry at their ‘guilty until proven innocent’ standpoint. I wouldnt even mind, but weve phoned them many times to explain that we have no tv and told them we’re fine with having someone check our apartment (nobody has). But we still get these, quite honestly, threatening letters through. Shame on you TV licencing. Shame on you.
